Of Mice and Meals

So since my last post not a lot has happened, but its felt like a lot has happened. Number one i got discharged from the hospital only after the most embarrassing incident that hospital has ever seen happened. I'm not sure if i can even talk about it cus its gross, its bad, and its all around not something anyone wants to hear. So i got home around 11pm on the night of the 24, No real pain... The dr was very impressed because i was so motivated to get out of there i didn't push my pain button at all.... from what i heard pain meds slow things down that you need functioning. anyway, that night laid in my bed and it felt so uncomfortable, i do what i would have done pre op, which is get up and look in the fridge... Sure enough, theres nothing in there, that i was prepared for... The cabinet however i wasnt... So i look in the cabinet/pantry/big door that holds food for kitchen and im almost in tears because this pantry is stocked with the things i can consume... My chicken broth, waters, crystal lights, the little mio things, jell-o, and a post it that says "sugar free Popsicle's in the freezer." So im beaming! YES MY FAMILY CARES! but b4 i close the pantry door i hear something scuffling around it there so im looking around and dont see anything... So right as im about to close the door again a FREAKING FIELD MOUSE comes flying out if a ritz cracker box and hides behind our george forman grill. The girl in me that i so rarely show bubbled to the surface, i scream, turn to run, slip on a onion peel, trip, and land on my stomach in a chair...Everyone comes running down, the wind is completely knocked out of me... Im gasping for air, and trying to check and make sure i didn't rip any stitches. Everything seemed fine. So we trap the mouse in there and in the morning head to home depot, but 1000 sticky traps and put them everywhere then we build a perimeter from the pantry to the back yard door so that if he does run he can go out the door. so we are waiting for him for a while, and in all the excitement i completely for got to weigh myself. the scale reads 231 pounds. which is 11 lbs down since the date of surgery... WHAT! i dont have time to jump for joy there screams from down stairs, i grab the camera run downstairs only to fin the mouse has evaded us. we all give up and go to bed. The next day, today, my good mood about food and making it on this damned liquid diet for another week is pretty much gone. Im starving, and theres not enough liquid, or protein powder you can pour down my throat to stop me from craving chinese food. Dinner time roles around, and although im starving ive made it another day on 64oz of liquid. guess what mom brings home for dinner... CHINESE FOOD! OH Hell NO! now what am i supposed to do... so  i take a nap... Just woke up, walked down stairs and what do i find other than a dead mouse caught in a trap... I cant help but compare his mouse trap, to my mouse trap... cus eventually were both gonna die of starvation!

3 days down.

3 days later, im still in the hospital, walking, drinking and walking some more. im supposed to ge getting discharged today if i can just keep all of my fluids down... that may be hard. today they brought me two cups of water, 2 packs of the nectar protein powder, some chicken broth and a sf jello. Somehow i made it through the broth and 1 cuo of protein infused water but i don't think i can get much more than that down right now.... this sucks cus i wanna go home, but i cant force this stuff down my throat either, what to do what to do!

starting my video blog

getting nervous

Ive been known to put up a wall between myself and my feelings, but i was told that writing things down could help give me insight into what im thinking and feeling when words decieve me. So thats why i started this whole bloggedy thing. I dont really care who does or doesnt read it, its just a way to help me understand myself a little better. With that being said, 3 months ago i definitley wouldnt have been able to say this out loud, or publish it online, but i really think that im starting to get scared. I'm my own worst enemy right now, because all of the research, videos, and blogs that ive looked at to prepare myself have given me great information, but my thoughts keep turning to... what if something goes wrong? what if there are complications, what if what if what if.... Maybe its just the stress of surgery, and school starting on monday... but im terribly nervous. I want to say that im strong, to keep everyone else from worrying about me, but i cant let my fears go long enough to do that. I cant turn back now, So i just have to believe that there is a guardian angel sitting on my shoulder to lead me through this... a little over 3 days left, i hope i get it together soon.

I made it to pre op!

So I'm here! made it to Tennessee for pre op testing, which means the count down to surgery has begun! In exactly 2 weeks I'll be in surgery on my way to a healthier, happier, more fulfilling life! I feel really comfortable with my surgeon, the hospital and everything plus I'll have about 2/3 of my huge family with me to keep me strong. Really right now I'm just thanking God for this blessing. Now I'm gonna go gush To my Facebook family!

2 weeks and 2 days left!

So I'm about 2 weeks away from surgery and I'm so excited. my pre op visit is set for Monday the 8th and i guess that's when i start my two week diet... I actually had my first skinny dream a couple of days ago, i was on a beach in my normal attire a tankini and a mumu like cover up dress that zipped up the front to hide myself. My best friend was with me (she weighs about as much as handful of quarters) and she kept begging me to take off my cover up and swim with her. in my dream I'm thinking Hell No lol. so she unzips it and rips it off me and i start sprinting to the bathroom. Got there looked in the mirror and everything was... smaller lol.... i was actually OK with wearing my bathing suit at a public beach... Ive been smiling ever since i had that dream. I've never felt i was missing out on much when it came to the fun of youth, i was always OK when my sisters would go to a club or a party without me, but now I'm starting to think that was my mind tricking me into being a hermit crap so that i could hide without thinking much of it. one thing i am having a problem with now is nerves. I don't think I'm nervous, really I'm just feeling excited, but underneath all my layers of denial my body is giving me sign that i really am nervous. All of a sudden my stomach is really weak, i want to sleep all the time, and i keep getting these random spats of my arms and legs going numb. My hands start to shake bad at night. i don't know if this is anxiety or if this is something actually happening to me. (Warning: Girly things are about to be talked about). because of my P.C.O.S (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) i probably have a cycle every 4-6 months. My OB says its likely  that i wont ever have children and that never really effected me either until now. I know I'm just spewing random things at this point but these are the thing that have been weighing heavy (no pun intended) on my mind. Anyway, i guess only time will tell, but i still cant wait! Until next time!

OMG OMG OMG Im Crying

Oh gosh im cryin all over the place. so since my last update a lot has happened, i was approved for surgery oh happy day, then they told me that they cancelled my insurance (again) why? because my mom (who im covered under) left her job for another position in the climax of the whole process. Yes, she did… so for the last month or so ive been working my ass off to pay COBRA. about 900$/month. can we all say painful. Ive been sick with worry the whole time, and finally i told myself you just half to let go, and give it to GOD. On July 8th i called my insurance company to see if my benefits were reinstated, and oh my scott the were! i called the doctor and immediatly gave them the new insurance information. Not even one week later, July 13th i call united health care again to check on the status of my approval number…. and holy moly Im approved again! GREAT SCOTT this is moving fast. So, i call my docs office again, tell them im approved and now…. IM SCHEDULED!!! MY SURGERY DATE IS AUGUST 22ND, I HAVE TO BE THERE FOR PREOP AUGUST 8TH AND OMG I CAN BELIEVE IT! I have been through the ringer on this one, but finally i got it done. My birthday is coming up and im going to deem this a birthday present to myself. Stay tuned for pre op info on august 8th!