getting nervous

Ive been known to put up a wall between myself and my feelings, but i was told that writing things down could help give me insight into what im thinking and feeling when words decieve me. So thats why i started this whole bloggedy thing. I dont really care who does or doesnt read it, its just a way to help me understand myself a little better. With that being said, 3 months ago i definitley wouldnt have been able to say this out loud, or publish it online, but i really think that im starting to get scared. I'm my own worst enemy right now, because all of the research, videos, and blogs that ive looked at to prepare myself have given me great information, but my thoughts keep turning to... what if something goes wrong? what if there are complications, what if what if what if.... Maybe its just the stress of surgery, and school starting on monday... but im terribly nervous. I want to say that im strong, to keep everyone else from worrying about me, but i cant let my fears go long enough to do that. I cant turn back now, So i just have to believe that there is a guardian angel sitting on my shoulder to lead me through this... a little over 3 days left, i hope i get it together soon.